Wednesday, 27 October 2010

  • A Halloween Rant. Illustrated.

    It's very unlike me to complain about my favorite holiday. What's there to complain about? You get free candy from strangers while dressing up like an idiot and it doesn't involve a big, white van and waking up with your ass sore. As much as I love Halloween, there has been a recurring trend that has been steadily bothering me the more popular it becomes this time of year.

    Specifically bimbos.

    You know what I'm talking about, those women that use Halloween as an excuse to (quote) "Dress up like a slut without actually being a slut." (/quote)

    In case you haven't seen them, they're just about anywhere on Halloween night and their choice of "costume" consists of two elements:



    I understand that trick-or-treating and such is a tradition, but it's not what Halloween is about. All Hallow's Eve  is the one day in which the spirits can walk the earth. That on this day, the ancient Celts believed that the portal to the spirit world became thin, allowing the dead to roam our world for a single day. In order to ward off evil spirits, one had to disguise themselves as another harmful spirit with the use of costumes and masks to avoid harm.
    Since Halloween is a day to commemorate the spirits, it's understandable how many people would think of Halloween to be a scary holiday. However, I'm still not comprehending how the 'sluts dressing sluttier' -thing exactly relates to this holiday...




    I don't see why women use this epic holiday of mischief, wonder and the supernatural to dress like an STD-dispenser. After all, there are enough occasions in which a woman can show more cleavage than a plumber's butt-crack. Take Exchanging-chocolates-for-sex Day on the 14th of February, that's a good day to dress like a harlot. What about their anniversaries? They have plenty of days in which to parade themselves, but no! The bimbos aren't happy with that. Which leads me to think that this is a conspiracy.

    Bimbos are planning on taking over every holiday imaginable to make it an excuse to dress trashy. I shudder at the thought of what other holidays they plan on conquering next:



    It simply irritates me to see these bimbos parading around, celebrating this holiday, but only doing so to be eye-candy. It's a holiday that's about running around in costume, not in your lingerie with a single accessory! Why my favorite holiday? Why not a holiday no one cares about? (Like Arbor Day. Trees can be sexy.) If you're planning on celebrating Halloween, at least put some thought (lol women thinking) into what you're going to dress up as. To be honest, you'd get my attention more that way than if you wore a two-piece and bunny ears out in 40-degree weather.


    Hello nurse.

    You might say, "Hey! It's none of your business. Why do you care so much?"

    I'll tell you why: These women are no better than that douchébag teenager who goes around stealing candy from kids trick-of-treating without a costume. They put no effort in celebrating the holiday and use it as an excuse to fulfill a darker purpose. (For lack of a better term.)


    That's right girls, I'm comparing you to this piece of work.

    Whether you use the holiday as an excuse to nab candy from kids or shamelessly parade yourself once a year because your dad never loved you and dress provocatively in order to attract male attention, those acts suck the spirit out of Halloween. Halloween is about having fun and scaring the buh-jeepers out of your friends and family, not about dressing like a prostitute or stealing (that's illegal you know.) It's a scary holiday, NOT. SEXY.

    If you're going to celebrate a holiday that's about spirits and dressing up, at least put some effort into it and wear a real fucking costume. If you're going to go as a slut trying to be a devil, at least hide something under there that'll give me a heart attack or something.



    Happy Halloween, bitches.

    /end rant

    Art by PervyPenguin.

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