As some of you know, as of late, my daily routine of doing absolutely NOTHING
has been partially disturbed by taekwondo.
Going to City College for the first time after being enclosed for weeks (possibly months) inside the house and taking that first step out of the front porch was akin to disembarking a spaceship into another planet, to say the least:
I originally intended to go to City College to take up some art courses to improve my shitty portfolio, but of course, with my luck, every teacher said no. The only teacher who let me enroll into their class was the TKD instructor and my dad recommended that I take it to get exercise. I'm depressed, I don't WANT any FUCKING exercise. So needless to say, I was forced into the course whether I like it or not. So, every Tuesday and Thursday morning, I walk in with the same amount of enthusiasm that I can muster so early in the day:
Which is very, very little.
It's been over a year since my self-imposed isolation and I'm worse with people than I ever was before. I want nothing more than to blend in, throw a few kicks and GTFO. These days, human interaction of the face-to-face variety terrifies me. Sadly, because of my previous martial arts experience with bushido, judo, jujitsu, karate and capoeira, I'm attracting unwanted attention.
Which leads me to respond to it the only way I know how:
The instructor has recently declared Thursday as "sparring day", which means we have to put on equipment and kick each other. For the most part, I'm fine with it because it means I get to wear sweet gear.
The part I'm not fine with is the whole "find a partner and kick them in the fucking chest" deal. Every time, I feel like I end up with the person I did because I'm like that nerdy kid who gets picked last for kickball. (Last resort.) This one time, I somehow ended up with this sweet-looking girl who told me she had a bad knee and at first, I was okay with it.
However, it didn't turn out the way I expected: NOT INVINCIBLE.
Just because you have a bad leg or whatever, doesn't mean you should kick with your good leg TWICE AS HARD. I mean, that makes no fucking sense! Isn't strength-control a part of martial arts training? Then again, I'm no master or anything. Seriously though, OW.
I don't like going to TKD not because it's too hard, on the contrary, I don't feel challenged enough. What kept me going back to capoeira was the complete fear of my master and the epic high that would settle in after working out to the brink of fainting. I don't feel any sense of loyalty, fear or respect for the instructor like with my previous master, he's just there. The whole vibe of the place is just as apathetic as I am, I feel like no one would notice or care if I went there or not, I don't see the point of it. The obligation comes not from the sense of duty (fear) I have towards the teacher, but because I paid for the class and my parents (mostly my father) keeps insisting I go.
It looks like I'm there to stay, at least until my semester balance runs out and I'll have to pay again, but I don't plan on that happening. Then again, whenever you make a plan, life tends to laugh at you and reminds you who's boss. That bitch. So now, I have to step outside into the world I've so desperately tried to hide away from, spend an hour in a room with an instructor and students I care nothing about and we throw some kicks at each other.
Crappy art by PervyPenguin.